Syrie James: 15 Ways to Keep Love Alive

Nocturne opens like a Bizarro World production of Misery—this time, it’s the fan who gets into the accident, and finds herself in the secluded home of the bestselling author—but Syrie James takes the story in a more romantic direction… and a more supernatural one, as well. Because, let’s face it, if a handsome, charming and brilliant writer goes out of his way to make sure there isn’t anybody else around for miles and miles, there’s got to be a pretty compelling reason, right? James’ own love life isn’t anywhere near as tortured as that of her protagonists, though, and in this essay she shares some of the things she’s done to keep it that way.

I love writing about love. My new novel, Nocturne, is a passionate love story about two wounded souls who, for four magical days, find shelter together from a raging storm, both literally and figuratively. They share a profound, once-in-a-lifetime kind of love that is destined to change them both forever. I loved writing about Nicole and Michael; by the time the book was finished, I felt so close to the characters, and had delved so deeply inside their minds and hearts, that I felt as though their life-altering encounter had really happened.

With Valentine’s Day here, I’m reminded that the characters in our books shouldn’t be the only ones experiencing romance and passion in their lives. We all have to make the time to keep our love alive. My own, personal love story began in college. I met Bill when I was 19 years old. We fell in love overnight, became engaged three weeks later, and married eight months after that. I managed to graduate from college early so I could begin a new life with Bill in southern California—a life that was sometimes difficult and complicated but was always nurtured by our mutual love and respect. We literally grew up together, navigating the challenges of building careers and a home while raising a family. Every day of the journey has been a great adventure.

I feel blessed that the adventure is still continuing. “Grow old along with me; the best is yet to be” (Robert Browning) is a perfect way to describe our relationship. My husband and I just celebrated our 35th anniversary. We have two talented, terrific sons who are married to lovely young women. But Bill and I both work very long hours at very different jobs. Is there time in the mad rush of life for love and romance? Are we doing all that we can and should to nurture our marriage? I’ll say this: we really try!

Here are my suggestions for keeping the romance going in your relationship:

1. Say “I love you” to your significant other every single day.

2. Call each other in the middle of the day to say “hi” (even if it’s just for two minutes.)

3. Say “thank you” when your partner does nice something for you (even if it’s just taking out the trash) and find little ways to express your appreciation for each other. (Notes? Flowers? Make his favorite breakfast or lunch the night before and have it waiting in the fridge?)

4. Make time to really talk and listen to each other. (That period of intense, initial communication and discovery between new lovers is something I find thrilling, and I put great emphasis on it in all my novels. I call it “falling in love through conversation.” But the conversation has to continue! And I don’t mean talking about the bills that are due or the latest problem with the house, the dog, or the kids. Share the ups and downs of your work days. Expose your innermost thoughts, worries, dreams, and frustrations. Discuss the movie you just saw or the book/article you just read. Gossip. Laugh. Flirt. Talking keeps you close.)

5. Do something fun together on a regular basis. (What did you love doing when you first met? What activities do wish you had time for today? A movie, concert, or play? Hiking, cycling, or sailing? Just do it!)

6. Go out to dinner, just the two of you, at least once a month. (The restaurant doesn’t have to be expensive. It’s the fun of being together, with someone else cooking and doing the dishes, that counts.)

7. Do the grocery shopping together. (Even in the busiest week in the world, you have to buy groceries. It gives you time to chat while walking down the aisles. Together, you’re less likely to forget something. And it’s so nice to have a companion to help lift all those bags into and out of the car!)

8. Take at least one vacation a year that’s just for you two. (One of our favorite vacations is our week at a timeshare by the beach, where we do nothing but eat, read, play Scrabble, and take long walks by the sea.)

9. When you fight or screw up, apologize. Forgive everything. See each other’s flaws and quirks as endearing.

10. Express your affection physically. Hug. Cuddle. Kiss. Hold Hands. Make time to make love.

11. Make alone time for YOU at least once a week. (Take a bubble bath. Read a good book. Take a walk and appreciate the beauty of nature. When you feel relaxed and rejuvenated, you’ll be a better and more responsive partner.)

12. Have Date Night regularly. (Take-out dinner in front of the TV and a movie? Dinner for two with that all important time to talk?)

13. Take a walk together at the end of your work day.

14. Eat right, get enough sleep, and exercise. (When you feel fit, you feel better about yourselves.)

15. Make time for family. (A happy family helps make a happy marriage.)

This isn’t a complete list, but try it out and see if it works for you as well as it does for us!

14 February 2011 | guest authors |