Megan Crane and the Unimaginable Writer’s Life

Megan Crane first appeared on this site several months back, taking part in a conversation with E. Lockhart about their debut novels. Now, with her second book, Everyone Else’s Girl, about to show up in bookstores, she’s here to fill us in on how she’s handling the excitement, having been through the publication cycle once before.

Long before my first book came out, I imagined what it would feel like. I had ample time to do this while I was in that seemingly endless “sold but not published” stage. During this stage I found myself at parties, saying things like, “Why yes, I’m a writer but no, the book’s not out yet.” People would crook their eyebrows at me and then lose interest, clearly under the impression that I was the sort of pathetic person who went about making self-aggrandizing yet unproveable statements at cocktail parties.

I told myself that it would all be different when the book came out, in ways I couldn’t imagine. And of course, this was true: I really couldn’t imagine it, because I’d never had a book come out before, nor had anyone I knew. I supposed that my life would change somehow, or there might be bright lights of some kind, or even, though I was ashamed to admit it, glorious song. Why not? This was the realization of a childhood dream! Why shouldn’t there be an aria or two? People online claimed to burst into tears in the bookstore upon catching sight of their debut novels; some asserted that they kicked their spouses from the marital bed so they could cuddle up with their ARCs instead. I couldn’t quite see myself doing any of these things, but I allowed for the possibility that, perhaps, publishing a book flipped some interior switch and just like that I would go from somewhat repressed to open and emotional in ways that led to weeping in public and/or cuddling with inanimate objects.

And then, when the book did come out, it was… different than I’d imagined.

I did not have time to enjoy the fact that, after years of toting around black and white notebooks, getting in trouble for writing instead of paying attention in math classes, getting rejected from creative writing programs in college, and all the times I used company resources for my own ends, I had finally made something of myself. I could hold it in my hands. I couldn’t enjoy it because I was far more concerned about my career. I was worried about the second novel I was revising. I was worried about the public appearances I was suddenly expected to make. I was worried about having to be “Megan Crane, Author,” because I wasn’t at all sure who she was, I just knew she was expected to be charming and witty at the drop of a hat. (No pressure, then.)

The book was out for months before I was able to enjoy finding it on the shelf in a new bookstore.

The second book isn’t even officially out yet, and I’m already having more fun. For one thing, I am no longer worried that my first book will be a tremendous, blockbuster success, after which my second will be a huge disappointment. Nor am I worried that my first book will sell exactly forty copies (the number of members in my extended family) and my second will be laughed out of the publishing world, forcing me to temp for a living or, worse, return to academia. Neither one of these scenarios actually took place. The first book did just fine, and the second is lucky enough to be part of Warner’s new 5 Spot line, which means it’s getting a huge push. This time around, I can just enjoy the entire process, from the first not-so-thrilled Amazon review to unexpected emails from long lost friends.

I’m saving all the worrying for my third novel.

23 October 2005 | guest authors |