RH: So what's your inspiration for writing this book?
KS: Well, I was born without a penis. That would be my
original inspiration for writing the book... I used to be in advertising,
and because of that I have a lot of awareness of marketing and
positioning. When my 50% Off came out, it was very difficult
for me to get publicity with a novel, so I attempted to get some niche
positioning as a relationship expert, which in the 1990s is as simple
as getting it printed under your name. I started giving seminars to
writers' groups and women's groups, and eventually I started to
think about how to get to the next level of success with the people in
Hollywood I was starting to deal with.
At the same time, I was starting to think about what success was. So
working on this book was great, because I got paid to sit around and
read books about the things that I was thinking about and write
about it. It was very cathartic and therapeutic, and in a way the
computer's like a Ouija board: you sit down in front of it with no
clues and start writing, then you realize, "Oh, so that's what I'm
thinking."
RH: So this is definitely a product of where you're at in your life
and your career right now?
KS: As I've said throughout the book, women have to come to
terms with our male side as well as our female side. Part of me was
fighting against my male side, my assertiveness or ballsiness, while
another part of me was fighting against my female qualities. It was
great to realize that I didn't have to fight against either of them, that
I could embrace them.
RH: How do you "embrace your male side"?
KS: You don't need a penis to succeed, you just need balls. The
balls thing has definitely worked in my favor. In fact, I just sold my
novel to Hollywood due to balls. My agent had stopped sending it out,
and then I switched agents, so it had fallen in the cracks between
agents, so on my own I took it to Marisa Tomei, who read it and
loved it. She has a deal with Miramax, so she showed it to them, and
now it's optioned and I'm writing the first draft of the screenplay.
Another thing is that men are warriors, women are worriers. We
need to get more warrior in us and less worrier. I talk about how
having balls leads to having to make the choice between winning and
being liked. Of course, for guys winning means being liked, but for
women, being tough can mean the risk of losing intimacy not only
between us and men who are intimidated by successful women, but
between us and other women as well. It's not just the penises we
have to watch out for, but the vaginas as well.
RH: You're very matter-of-fact and straightforward about all
this.
KS: I've been through it myself in real life. I'm lucky enough
to have a strong female support system that I call the "Girlfriend
Board." This is all stuff that I've been talking about with them, and
that I've been trying to tell myself alone in bed at 3 a.m. And I didn't
want to come out with a book that was simply rah-rah female and
not honest about the fact that for every advantage there's a
disadvantage and vice versa.
I've run into that with my title. Having the word "penis" in there is
an advantage because it makes people perk up when they hear it,
but it's a disadvantage in that a lot of readers are penis-phobic. I
dread the possibility that I'll be remembered as the "Penis Lady" for
the rest of my career. I've been on the road with this book and said
the word "penis" so many times that I don't ever want to see one
again... I'm kidding. Don't worry.
